I have a confession

Something changed. At some point, I looked into their eyes. And what I saw there? Myself.

When I came to India it was so easy for me to shrug off the beggars. There were so many of them. So many of those people. What good could I possibly do for them? I could not help that much. I knew that the one rupee coin in my pocket would not do anything for them. Even if I helped one, there would be another one ten feet down the road. They were everywhere. An inescapable annoyance.

So I shrugged them off. Pretended not to see, not to notice.

Yes, little girl. You are probably hungry. Rub your stomach, hold out your hand.

I cannot help, no.
Wave my hand, shake my head.

Yes, young woman. Your child probably does need food. Hold up your hand, point to your child.

No, I cannot help.
Keep walking, keep my head down.

Then one day something stopped me.

That woman. On the same street, on the same mat, in the same clothes. The woman who held out her hand, fingers missing. This time was different. After months of saying no, I stopped.

Then I looked and I knew her story. I knew that she came seeking a better life. I knew that she fled her home. I knew that she had lost her fingers and toes when she crossed the Himalayas. I knew that she had lost everything. I knew that she had suffered.

And looking at me, she knew. She knew that I had said no before. She knew that I intended to say no again. She knew that I had money in my pocket. She knew that I had time to listen. She knew that I could lessen her suffering. She knew.

Holding out her hands, she begged me and I was captivated by her. I stared into her eyes. And what I saw there? Myself.

I saw everything in me, in her. She is no less human than I. She has no less dignity than I. She is in no way less than I. We are fellow humans. We are equals. She knew. And finally, I understood.

Now I cannot shrug off the beggars. They are suffering. I understand that I can help, and that I need to help. I understand that an outstretched hand does not always seek money. Sometimes what they need more than anything is their humanity confirmed. They are living each moment for their next breath. I understand that if I don’t give now, they might not be here tomorrow. I finally understand.